Managing your Manager
Research shows that up to 75% of employees consider their direct manager to be the most stressful part of their job. (Source: Gallup)
Additionally, a study by the American Psychological Association (APA) found that:
84% of workers say poorly managed work stress negatively impacts their mental health.
Toxic leadership and lack of support from managers are primary drivers of workplace stress, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, and even physical health problems.
What do we mean when we say managing your manager? The first step is to understand the chain of command. You cannot tell your manager what to do, and you cannot tell them what you will be doing. Neither of these would be appropriate. But, by understanding your manager's motivations, personality and desires, you can develop a working relationship that will make you feel more in control.
One of the reasons we get so emotional around interactions with leaders is the lack of control. By having a boss who can tell you what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, you are giving up control of your time. This feeling can be stifling, and can cause us to resent not just the boss themselves, but the workplace that subjects us to the chain of command that feels oppressive.
If you find yourself getting frustrated with your manager, the first step is to manage your own mindset. How are you feeling about your work? How do you feel about that person? Now, remember that what you focus on, you create more of. If you are focusing on how terrible your boss is, and how much you dislike your job, and how unfair everything is - remember that your thoughts are currency. By focusing on all those negative things, you are going to the store of the universe and purchasing more unfairness, more unpleasantness and more micromanagement.
You can have a terrible boss and not spend all your time thinking about it. You can focus on the positive parts of your job and your life, and not dwell on the negative. By controlling your mindset, you are making an investment that will pay dividends.
Once you’re able to improve your mindset, think a little bit about WHY your manager is getting on your nerves. Do you disagree with their tactics? Or their leadership style? Start by finding out what kind of leader you have, and thinking about their style. What way of communicating with them will be effective?
If you’re in a situation where you have to confront them, remember this advice from Harvard Business Review: “while people respond to criticism, they remember praise. The former makes them defensive and resistant to change, and the latter makes them feel confident and gives them a desire to do better.”
So start by asking yourself if there is anything you can praise your manager for. Even if it’s difficult to think of something, swallowing your pride and starting with a compliment can help to make the conversation feel productive instead of contentious. Especially if you have an ask for a change. Trust me, if you come right out with what you think went wrong, your manager will become defensive and it will feel awkward.
Start by ASKING QUESTIONS. One reason friction happens with managers is that there is not always time for frequent communication. You spend a lot of time thinking about your work, they come by and criticize it, and you are left fuming. Instead of lashing out, or letting your frustration show, try by asking thoughtful questions, such as these:
-Can we talk about that interaction?
-Can you tell me more?
-Talk to me about how I’m doing - what would you like to be seeing?
-Do you feel like there are ways I could be adding more value?
TRUST ME when I say that I know how difficult this can be – when someone is making you feel awful, this feels like giving them even more power over you, when you may already feel crushed by their presence in your life. But you have to ask yourself this question - what do you have to lose? How could any of these questions make the situation worse?
This is where mindset comes in. What you think about, you bring about. Questions like this will bring about understanding and harmony. Whereas, thoughts and questions based in frustration - things like ‘why are you always checking up on my work?’ or ‘why don’t you question others like you question me?’ - things that show frustration, will only bring about more frustration. YOU have to be the one to break the cycle by manifesting a positive interaction with your manager.
Remember that manifestation is manifesting action. You are connecting with universal spirits to determine the next right step for you. Thinking through your crown Chakra to connect with source energy and receive guidance on the next step. Frustration and anger are signs of a blocked chakra. You need to realign with source energy, open your chakras, and listen for the next right action.
